The Day You Go Back: What Actually Happens in Your Family's Town

Anyone planning a trip to their ancestors' town almost always has a scene in mind: the square, the bell tower, a door opening. Reality is slower and messier, and for that reason often better. This article describes what really happens, in what order and with which obstacles, so you arrive prepared.

The months before: what to prepare

The day in the town is decided months earlier. You need the things we talk about below, plus a few practical choices.

• The town and the names. If you do not yet have the town of origin, start from how to find it.
• A letter in Italian to the town hall and the parish, with name, years and parents' names, to find out beforehand which registers exist and when they can be seen.
• The season. Spring and autumn are the most comfortable. In August many towns fill up for the patron saint's festival and for the return of those who emigrated: it is wonderful to live, but offices are often closed or running thin.
• A contact on the spot, who knows whom to call and when. If you want help from the start, that is what we do with our roots trips.

The parish priest is often the person who knows most

In a small town the parish priest knows families by surname, remembers who married in church and who left, and looks after the registers of baptisms, marriages and burials. Often he is also the person who can point you to the right neighbour. The practical problem is that he almost never speaks English and has full days: masses, funerals, catechism, other villages to cover if the parish is small.

• Do not turn up at random. Make an appointment, ideally through someone local.
• Bring a written list of names and dates. A priest works better with a sheet of paper in front of him.
• Respect the place: a church is also a place of prayer, not just an archive.
• A donation to the parish is a welcome and normal gesture, not an obligation.

The town hall: real opening hours and what to bring

The civil registry office of a small town can be a room with a desk and one or two clerks. Public hours are often short: a few mornings a week, sometimes two or three days, with a lunch break and different closures in August. It is the easiest place in the world to get wrong when you have travelled a long way: you can cross an ocean and find a locked door.

• Call first. Ask when the person who handles the registers is in, not just when it is "open".
• Bring photo ID and copies of the family papers you have.
• Be precise about what you ask for: name, surname, years, parents' names. A vague request gets a vague answer.
• Prepare the language. A clerk may not speak English. You need only a few words, but they have to be the right ones.

Some copies may take time, a small fee or a written request, and are not always handed over on the same day. Keep it in mind when you plan the visit.

Knocking on the door of the house

It is the moment everyone imagines and the one that is easiest to get wrong. If you have the address, or at least the street, you are already well ahead. The method that works best in a Sicilian town is the one that would work in any town: do not present yourself as someone who wants something.

• Go with someone local, who explains who you are in two sentences before you open your mouth.
• Show a photograph: people recognise faces more than surnames.
• If strangers live in the house now, thank them and do not insist. That it was your family's house does not give you the right to go in.
• If nobody answers, ask the neighbours or at the café. In small towns everyone knows who lived where, and almost always someone is glad to tell you.

Do not expect the house to have stayed as it was. It may have been rebuilt, split between heirs, abandoned or sold. Even the street alone, seen today, is worth the trip.

The cemetery is an archive

In Sicily the town cemetery is one of the places that surprises visitors most. Family tombs carry names, dates and often photographs, and in a small town surnames repeat along whole rows: you may find the great-grandfather, the sister who stayed, her children. A family chapel or a gravestone can give dates of death and relationships that no register states so plainly. Bring a camera, a flower if you like, and check the opening hours, which change with the season.

Meeting relatives, when there are any

If relatives did stay, the main obstacle is not suspicion, which is almost absent. It is language. Many elderly people speak a thick Sicilian that even other Italians struggle to follow, and someone arriving from America or Australia finds themselves with one hour in front of them and no way to say the things they have had in mind for years.

• Bring family photographs. They work better than any document: a photo starts a story, a certificate does not.
• Bring the names of the person who left and of the brothers who stayed, written down.
• Do not expect them to know your branch. They often know that "some went to America" but cannot say which ones.
• A small gift from your own place is a gesture understood without translation.
• Accept the coffee. Refusing is the only mistake that really hurts.

What to bring

• Printed family photographs, plus those on your phone.
• A written list of names, dates and places, with the parents' names.
• A family tree, even an incomplete one, on a sheet of paper.
• A notebook and a pen: the most useful stories arrive without warning.
• Comfortable shoes and a little cash.
• A small gift for the people who welcome you.

How to organise the day

There is no single order, but a pattern that often works is this. In the morning the town hall, because it is the office with the tightest hours. Then the church and the priest, late in the morning. A slow lunch, perhaps with whoever came along with you: it is when the stories come out. In the afternoon, when everything stops, the walk: the street, the house seen from outside, the cemetery. If relatives want to meet you, the evening is often the best moment, because the houses open up again.

What not to expect

A visit like this does not look like a television episode. It can happen that:

• the register you want is missing or illegible;
• the relatives are no longer there, or never knew about you;
• the church is closed, because in many towns it opens only for services;
• between one and four in the afternoon almost everything stops;
• the day moves more slowly than you planned: meetings are long and the coffees come in twos.

Plan little and leave room: it is the best advice. A day with one fixed appointment and the rest open produces more memories than a day with seven.

Why it helps to have a local who translates

Almost everything we have described gets simpler if next to you there is someone who knows the town, speaks Sicilian, speaks your language and knows whom to ask. That is why in our roots trips service the day in the town is done with a professional who translates the whole time: with the parish priest, at the town hall, with any relatives you meet.

It does not replace what nobody can do for you, which is to knock, to listen, to look. It only removes the obstacles that have nothing to do with the meaning of that day. If you want to know what it takes to get there, start from how to find the Sicilian town your family came from. And remember that the research takes at least three months: if you plan to travel in spring, start now.